The High-Rollers Room: How Will Cersei Eat It
It’s about that time again. For me to walk down in the dusty cellar and brush off the ten seat poker table and restock the bar that only serves scotch old enough to drink scotch. The high-rollers room is open once again.
Last season Cersei proved herself the most resilient of Game of Thrones many villains—at least of the ones who aren’t already dead that is. After blowing up all of the people that ever wronged her, and a fair few that hadn’t, Cersei stands tall as the first queen of the seven kingdoms. Or more accurately as Jaime points out, probably more like three kingdoms. But the story isn’t all good for Queen Lannister. All her children are dead, some in more spectacular fashion than others; everyone in converging on King’s Landing specifically to kill her; and she doesn’t even look as good in black as our future queen. Nothing is really coming up Cersei but to be honest, it’s about time. I love Lena Heady, she seems infinitely cooler than she has any business being—and her success story going from sleeping in her car to becoming one of the stars of the biggest show to ever be on television is beautiful.
It’s time for her to die.
But there’s no reason not to make some money off of her misfortune. If you’re familiar with the High-Rollers Room you know how this works. If not, might be worth familiarizing yourself with it.
The Dumb Plays
Cersei Takes a Dive
The idea is that there would be some kind of poetic justice where after Tommen—the shittiest king the seven kingdoms ever saw—killed himself like a Chinese Olympic diver that Cersei would go the same way. Although any form of suicide will pay off on this bet. There is some evidence that Cersei is more than willing to go on her own terms than suffer at the hands of her many many enemies but this was also when she still had children to protect. Also this new, no-fucks-given Cersei seems far less inclined to quit while she’s ahead—or behind—or at all really.
Profit: $500 on a bet of $100, odds not great, payout not great, better off taking your money somewhere else.
The Long Shots
Daenerys Kills Cersei
It’s pretty much guaranteed that Daenerys will end up in King’s Landing one way or another. That makes this a greater than zero possibility but if you are not familiar with the Cersei with prophecy now would be the best time to familiarize yourself with it because it is going to come up a lot:
- “You’ll never wed the prince, you’ll wed the king.”
- “Queen you shall be… until there comes another, younger and more beautiful, to cast you down and take all that you hold dear.”
- “Gold shall be their crowns and gold their shrouds,” she said. “And when your tears have drowned you, the valonqar shall wrap his hands about your pale white throat and choke the life from you.”
The twist of the prophecy—and all prophecies in Game of Thrones actually—is that everything does tend to come true, just not the way that you expect it to. It’s now pretty clear that the second of the witch’s prophecies refers to Daenerys and not Margaery as clearly Cersei believed. There is an outside chance that it refers to Sansa, but for the purpose of argument let’s say that it refers to Daenerys. But the chances that Daenerys actually strikes the final blow are long, to say the least. The third of the witches prediction says that Cersei will die at the hands of her younger brother since Tyrion and Daenerys are a package deal for the moment at least there would be little reason for Daenerys instead of Tyrion to kill her.
Profit: $700 on a bet of $100 is nothing to scoff at but you’d save yourself the heartbreak if you just spent that $100 on an HBONow subscription.
There are 13 episodes of Game of Thrones left ever if the numbers for season 8 hold true. Surviving 13 episodes isn’t all that impressive honestly Pycelle survived 59 episodes and he was barely conscious throughout. But Cersei has a much higher profile and a much higher body count than Pycelle. I don’t see her making it to see the end of this season much less until the whole thing finally wraps.
Profit: $950 on a bet of $100 is good money but you’ll never see it.
The Safe Bets
Jaime Kills Cersei
The prophecy is pretty specific about Cersei’s younger brother choking her with his “hands”. Of course, the problem here is the elephant in the room; Jaime’s one hand, his very singular hand. Still probably physically capable of choking sure and there is always the possibility that Qyburn will make Jaime that hand that was hinted at a few seasons ago. Of the three most likely scenarios for Cersei’s departure though this is the most technically unlikely but narratively still has the more Martin-esque flourish. Cersei is quickly becoming a monster on par with Ramsay, Joffery, or Aerys II. Jaime is most famous for killing Aerys, the mad king, to the detriment of his own reputation but to the benefit of the realm. It would be a sweet end if that is how Cersei went.
Profit: A $100 profit on $100 isn’t fantastic but if you’re not a risk taker it’s the best payout of any in this category.
Tyrion Chokes Cersei
It would be very satisfying if Cersei got the Shae treatment I cannot deny that. There is something very George Martin about Tyrion “murdering” so many people from his own family that hated him so much and if there is anyone in this show with cause to choke the life out of Cersei it’s Tyrion. Motive—check, means—two good hands—check, opportunity—if/when Daenerys gets her shit together and finally takes King’s Landing, that too will be a check. And if any of the 4 million Law and Order episodes are to be believed those three are really all you need to be convicted of a crime.
Profit: $50 is nothing to scoff at, having to risk $100 to make that $50 though might not be everyone’s cup of tea
Arya Kills Cersei (as Jaime)
I mean, c’mon. Arya takes Jaime’s face to get close to Cersei and in her new brutal fashion chokes her to death. It’s possible I’m blinded by how much I want this to happen but both the importance placed on the loss of Jaime’s hand coupled with the witches specificity of how Cersei would die make this seem the most likely—despite my obvious bias. It is also important to note that while we all love Arya, her role in the end game of Game of Thrones and A Song of Ice and Fire are far from clear. If Arya was to rid the throne of the last of the Lannisters to finally give way to the rule of Daenerys and/or Jon that would be pretty important. The only two unappealing parts of this theory: Jaime has to die for this to happen, I am not all that personally attached to Jaime especially as he remains one of the few remaining apologists for Cersei. The other thing is that this feels like it would have to be the end of Arya, probably the most expendable of the Starks left and after completing her list it would make sense for her to die, as truly depressing as that would be.
Profit: $20 on $100 bet, I’m pretty confident that this is going to happen actually