A Series of Words in Which I Answer All the Questions No One Asked

In honor of my return, and rapper turned pastor turned rapper, who was recently forced to delete his Instagram account when it turned out he was as irrelevant as everyone but he already suspected:

Where have you been?

Well actually I had to take a break from all the things I really really love to succeed at something I truly despise to my core.  Sounds like something an insane person would do, but actually it’s just what success is in America.

But you’re back now?

Yeah, I’m back now.  At least for the next few weeks I’m going to be writing my ass off hopefully.

Are we getting year end lists?

Nigga, c’mon.  Of course, all the lists I can manage: 2014’s best album, track, artist, movie, TV show, video game, its hottest women, and dreamiest boys, the stupidest lists, and the most irreverent, I’m going to bring them all.

Okay, so then what is coming?

I’m going to drop the draft of the script for the pilot of a show that’s never going to get made on you.  Along with a long series of end of year lists.

What’s your favorite color?

I don’t know aqua marine.  Why?

Are you happy the Pistons waived Josh Smite?

Yes… of course… this hardly seems relevant.  Why are you asking me these questions?

How’s your love life?

Pass.  Can I can I pass?

No. Answer the question.

Do you have any more relevant questions?

Are you going to be around after school starts?

That’s more like it.  Yeah I really hope so.  But I need to graduate before I can enjoy life.

What’s first up on the list?

Tomorrow I’m going to put out the review of The Imitation Game which finally made its way to DC.  And after that, the lists begin.  I might start with 2014’s Hot 50 because let’s be honest, I love me some views as cheaply as they might come.

We’re done here.

Isn’t that my line?