2015 Emmys and The Case of Why I Should Just Be In Charge Already Goddammit!

A little over a year ago we found ourselves here.  The Emmys approaching and speculating about the winners based on the nominees.  Unfortunately, last year was the “curiously competent case of the nominally not-so-terrible nominations” and the same cannot be said for this year at all.   Just like the dog that you praise for not not jumping all over the neighbor girl when she comes by to drop off your shovel they both pissed directly on the floor. The nominations both lack imagination and the simple understanding of what’s good on TV today.

Show Awards

The Best of Awards for shows. A ranking of each nominee, the ones left out, a prediction of the winner, and the most deserving of the bunch (not always the best I assure you). So in short: everything you need in one place.  I will accept my job offer now Emmy committee.

Drama Series:

1. Game of Thrones
2. Downton Abbey
3. Mad Men
4. Better Call Saul
5. Homeland
6. Orange is the New Black
7. House of Cards

Besides the fact that this is basically the exact same list from last year it’s also just embarrassing.  Of these seven shows one of them was good, four others were okay at best, and two were actually terrible.  This is by no means to suggest that “Game of Thrones” was the best show on TV this year, but of the seven regulars on this list, it certainly was, by a mile and a half.

The Left Out:

The list is long and expansive.  I read through as much of the Emmy eligibility guidelines as I could bare (not all that much to be honest).  I believe that shows that premiere overseas first as long as their American premiere date is within the date are eligible.  I am also assuming that the shows spent the few hundred dollars to submit, because why the hell not, and that the full blame of this fuck up lies on the Emmy committee, which in all likelihood it does.  Just a short list–in no particular order–of shows whose 2014-2015 season was better than “Downton Abbey’s” for sure and a few that out performed “Game of Thrones.”

• The Americans
• Bloodline
• Broadchurch
• Fortitude
• Hannibal
• The Knick
• Mr. Selfridge (one of the most underrated shows on TV)
• Orphan Black
• Rectify
• Peaky Blinders
• Penny Dreadful

And those are just the ones off the top of my head.  This is by no means a complete list of all the shows that had a season in the past year way better than at least 85.7% of this list.

The Inevitable Victor:

Mad Men

I honestly can’t get a grasp on this award at all.  I assume that “Mad Men” will win simply because it was a passably decent final season and that’s the safe choice.

The Most Deserving

Game of Thrones

Literally the only one that should have been nominated at all.

Comedy Series

1. Louie
2. Silicon Valley
3. Veep
4. Transparent
5. Modern Family
6. Parks and Recreation
7. Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Slightly better showing.  But the truth is that no one really cares about comedy, at the Emmys the prestige is all in the tears.  It is odd that the Emmy committee felt the need to put Parks on this list after a pretty bad season when all things were said and done.  The only really undeserving nominees here are “Parks and Recreation” whose pleasant surprise of a season was a real drop in quality from the others.  Then there is “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” which was great for binge watching, but for only kind of funny, pretty racist, its support cast was terrible, and of its 13 episodes three of them were actually terrible.

The Left Out

The list is perfectly acceptable honestly, any list that has “Louie” and “Sillicon Valley” on it would have been fine.  But the truth is that many much more deserving shows should be on this list; I wrote an entire piece about it in fact.  It would have been nice to see “Broad City” and “You’re the Worst” on here, but let’s be honest, that was a pipe dream.  And if you’re going to put any network TV shows on this list–if you must–than those shows need to be “New Girl” and/or “Brooklyn Nine-Nine”.  Also “Community” had a fantastic 6th season, just going to leave that here.

The Inevitable Victor

Transparent

It’s the smart choice, any show that could get people to actually talk about Amazon Prime’s terrible streaming service is clearly something special–to someone at least.

The Most Deserving

Louie

Of this list, there is no show more accomplished as a piece of art that Louis CK’s auteur journey through comedy-drama.  Some things are just genius and there isn’t anything else to say about them, this is one of those things.

Mini-Series/Limited Series

1. The Honourable Woman
2. Wolf Hall
3. Olive Kitteridge
4. American Crime
5. American Horror Story: Freak Show

This is the baby game section of the show awards for sure.  Without a big profile series this year it just seems like the nominations went to the default shows, of course “American Horror Story” is there… again.  Despite the fact that it hasn’t been any good since season one and even that is debatable. Once again however the best shows continue to come out of the UK, just ya know, a stray observation.

The Left Out

This wasn’t the year for limited series at all.  I thought “Casual Vacancy” was better than peopel gave it credit for and the same could be said for “The Lizzie Borden Chronicles” but both weren’t great (still better than ABC’s clearly Emmy bait “American Crime” though).  I don’t think “Happy Valley” is eligible because of how the dates work, but if it is that really needs to be on this list. But if we just started adding all the 6, 9, and 11 episode series runs from British TV shows there wouldn’t be anything from America on this nominee list–and we can’t have that now can we.

The Inevitable Victor

American Crime

Because, let’s be honest, the only thing more predictable than America’s love for sad stories about war veterans is… nothing, nothing is more predictable than that.  “American Crime” was okay at best but if we can finally get Timothy Hutton, who I will always know as Nate Ford, than I guess I’ll be okay with that.

The Most Deserving

The Honourable Woman

I would be fine with either of the English shows winning the award.  The truth is they are both fantastic and the others are embarrassingly average.

 Individual Awards

Lead Actor in a Drama

1. Kyle Chandler, “Bloodline”
2. Jon Hamm, “Mad Men”
3. Jeff Daniels, “The Newsroom”
4. Bob Odenkirk, “Better Call Saul”
5. Kevin Spacey, “House of Cards”
6. Liev Schreiber, “Ray Donovan”

Look at that shit list of names.  Look at it!! That is actually embarrassing.  Someone should be embarrassed.  You should all be embarrassed.  Why are you watching these shows.  I honestly didn’t know that anyone watched “Ray Donovan”.  Ugh I can’t even look at it anymore.

The Left Out

I’m just going to start listing random actors from random shows prepare yourself:

• Peter Capaldi, “Doctor Who”
• Cilian Murphy, “Peaky Blinders”
• Josh Hartnett, “Penny Dreadful”
• Michael Sheen, “Masters of Sex” (no one ever said you had to like the character)
• Clive Owen, “The Knick”
• Kevin Bacon, “The Following” (not a good show, a good performance though)
• Mads Mikkelsen, “Hannibal”
• Stanley Tucci, “Fortitude”
• Richard Dormer, “Fortitude”

This is a list where I just literally thought of every TV show I could in a minute, then wrote down the lead actor if I could remember their name.  No google involved.  All of these actors, in 2015, gave better performances than at the very least most of this list.  So what the Emmy committee is saying is that they don’t even know how to Google shit.

The Inevitable Victor

Who cares

Exactly, who gives a shit who wins this category.  It’s not the best actors on TV in 2015 so the award means nothing.  But if you must know Jon Hamm probably wins this award.

The Most Deserving

Kyle Chandler

The only person on this list who gave a good performance on a good show should probably win this award.  It only seems fair.

Lead Actress in a Drama

1. Tatiana Maslany, “Orphan Black”
2. Taraji P. Henson, “Empire”
3. Robin Wright, “House of Cards”
4. Claire Danes, “Homeland”
5. Viola Davis, “How to Get Away with Murder”
6. Elisabeth Moss, “Mad Men”

I’ll be honest, I could not make it through a full season of “Empire” or “How to Get Away with Murder” they would just put me to sleep at 3 in the afternoon sometimes.  But I will assume that unless their performances for drastically more impressive over the run then my assessment of them is accurate.  This list is nearly as terrible as the actor nominee list but at least it has Tatiana Maslany the one saving grace of the drama awards this far.

The Left Out

• Keri Russell, “The Americans”
• Mackenzie Davis, “Halt and Catch Fire”
• Vera Farmiga, “Bates Motel”
• Sofie Gråbøl, “Fortitude”
• Olivia Colman, “Broadchurch”
• Jodie Whittaker, “Broadchurch”
• Sarah Lancashire, “Happy Valley”
• Eva Green, “Penny Dreadful”

I mean come the fuck on.  This isn’t that difficult.

The Inevitable Victor

Tatiana Maslany

They have to do at least one thing right.  They just have to.

The Most Deserving

Tatiana Maslany

Not only is she hardest working actor on TV, Maslany plays all of the most interesting people on a very well done TV show.  It was a crime she wasn’t nominated last year and hopefully this will be the year she gets her recognition.

Lead Actor in a Comedy

1. Louis C.K., “Louie”
2. Don Cheadle, “House of Lies”
3. Jeffrey Tambor, “Transparent”
4. Anthony Anderson, “black-ish”
5. Will Forte, “The Last Man On Earth”
6. Matt LeBlanc, “Episodes”
7. William H. Macy, “Shameless”

It’s beautiful!!! It’s fucking gorgeous!! A list of nominees that looks like it was put together by people who actually watched TV this year!  I’m fucking weeping.

The Left Out

This is a relatively complete list, I do think that Thomas Middleditch and Randall Park deserve some love, but truth be told this is not a terrible list of nominees.  I can live with this.

The Inevitable Victor

Jeffery Tambor

It’s going to be Tambor, that’s just a fact.  It wouldn’t make any sense for them to give it to someone else.

The Most Deserving

Jeffery Tambor

Sure, “Transparent” is overrated.  Yes Tambor’s performance as a whole has been overblown.  But in the grand scheme of things Emmys do not matter.  I would much prefer for Tambor’s award to start an actual conversation than the best actor in a comedy series win the award.

Lead Actress in a Comedy

1. Julia Louis-Dreyfus, “Veep”
2. Amy Schumer, “Inside Amy Schumer”
3. Amy Poehler, “Parks And Recreation”
4. Edie Falco, “Nurse Jackie”
5. Lily Tomlin, “Grace And Frankie”
6. Lisa Kudrow, “The Comeback”

Praise that dog again, and it’ll shit right on your carpet.  As competent as the actor nomination for comedy, the actress nominee list is equally as incompetent.  No one on this list deserves to be here maybe Julia Louis-Dreyfus.  No one wanted “The Comeback”, no one watched it, how did Kudrow get a nomination for that garbage?  Are we just picking names out of a hat now?

The Left Out

I’m actually getting bored of making lists:

• Ilana Glazer, “Broad City”
• Sharon Hogan, “Catastrophe”
• Alison Brie, “Community”
• Aya Cash, “You’re the Worst”
• Kristen Bell, “House of Lies”

It can’t be that complicated.  It really can’t.

The Inevitable Victor

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

It just makes sense.

The Most Deserving

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

I’m finally enjoying “Veep”, I’ve always thought the show was okay at its best, the last couple of season have actually been really good.

Supporting Actor in a Drama

1. Peter Dinklage, “Game Of Thrones”
2. Jonathan Banks, “Better Call Saul”
3. Michael Kelly, “House Of Cards”
4. Jim Carter, “Downton Abbey”
5. Ben Mendelsohn, “Bloodline”
6. Alan Cumming, “The Good Wife”

I still don’t understand why HBO is allowed to submit Peter Dinklage as a supporting actor since it is very clear especially with all the bodies lining Mr. Martin’s writing room, that Dinklage is the main character.  I don’t think they should be worried he wouldn’t pull out a win because I think he could pretty easily get the award regardless of category.

The Left Out

You must get it by now right? The nominations are bad.  It’s also very clear they just took the supporting actors from the same shows they nominated lead actors from.  In what world is Alan Cumming a candidate for best supporting actor?  They just have no creativity at all.  There are a lot of great supporting actors on average shows because unlike lead actors they don’t have the ability to carry the show to greatness–I would just like to see one nomination that proves they actually watch TV instead of reading TV twitter.

The Inevitable Victor

Peter Dinklage

Dinklage has been the best actor in the category since 2011, he also hasn’t won since 2011, it’s about time we correct that.

The Most Deserving

Peter Dinklage

See above.

Supporting Actress in a Drama

1. Lena Headey, “Game Of Thrones”
2. Christina Hendricks, “Mad Men”
3. Emilia Clarke, “Game Of Thrones”
4. Uzo Aduba, “Orange Is The New Black”
5. Christine Baranski, “The Good Wife”
6. Joanne Froggatt, “Downton Abbey”

Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame.Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame.

The Left Out

I am very surprised with all the unexpected love “Bloodline” got in these nominations that Linda Cardellini didn’t get the knod here.  I don’t know where I’d put her performance but I thought it was at least better than Froggatt’s.  “The Affair” was okay at best but Maura Tierney was the best part of that show by far.  They also over looked, Verónica Echegui’s performance in “Fortitude”, Amy Brenneman in “The Leftovers”, and Katherine Moennig on “Ray Donovan”.

The Inevitable Victor

Lena Headey

In a season where Cersei was only second in quality to the bastard Snow this would have to be the year.

The Most Deserving

Lena Headey

Shame.

Supporting Actor in a Comedy

1. Andre Braugher, “Brooklyn Nine-Nine”
2. Keegan-Michael Key, “Key & Peele”
3. Tony Hale, “Veep”
4. Ty Burrell, “Modern Family”
5. Adam Driver, “Girls”
6. Tituss Burgess, “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt”

Eh, fine.  Acceptable.  But I can’t say I really care at all about the comedy series awards especially not the best supporting actor in a comedy.  It is true that great comedies are make or break by their supporting cast, but this is not really an award that matters to me.

The Left Out

There are a lot of great supporting actors in comedies on TV that get looked over.  I don’t know why no one from “Sillicon Valley” is nominated.  I couldn’t tell you why none of the “New Girl” boys are on here because they save that show.  I  don’t know why Aziz Ansari isn’t on this list.  I don’t know why the fuck Cuba Goodin Jr. isn’t here. There is a long list of names that really should’ve made the cut but didn’t.  I think it is clear by this point I need to be hired by the Emmy committee.

The Inevitable Victor

Tituss Burgess

I can just see this coming.  There was so much talk about how fantastic his performance was when the show came out that I would be very surprised if he didn’t end up winning.  Even though he gave both an overblown and amazingly dull performance.

The Most Deserving

Andre Braugher

Mmmm, that dry humor.  Braugher is actually the best part of a pretty fantastic show.  I would like to see him win, but I fear that is unlikely to happen.

Supporting Actress in a Comedy

1. Anna Chlumsky, “Veep”
2. Gaby Hoffmann, “Transparent”
3. Julie Bowen, “Modern Family”
4. Kate McKinnon “Saturday Night Live”
5. Niecy Nash, “Getting On”
6. Allison Janney, “Mom”
7. Jane Krakowski, “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt”
8. Mayim Bialik, “The Big Bang Theory”

I… I don’t… I don’t even know what to do with this information.  What the actual fuck are these nominations?  The actual fuck?  I don’t know if this list has more to do with sexism or lack of understanding what quality is, but someone should be fired… twice.  There is nothing worse that Bialik’s performance on “The Big Bang Theory” the show was actually watchable before she and the short one joined the cast, it isn’t anymore.

The Left Out

Random shows, random actresses, better performances.  Let the games begin:

• Kristin Schaal, “Last Man on Earth”
• Ashley Jensen, “Catastrophe”
• Kether Donohue, “You’re the Worst”
• Jenny Slate, “Married”
• Britt Lower, “Man Seeking Woman”
• Judith Light, “Transparent”
• Melanie Lyskey, “Togetherness”
• Katie Aselton, “The League”

The game could go on for days, but I just don’t feel like thinking of more shows.  I don’t understand why this seems to elude them so.

The Inevitable Victor

Gabby Hoffman

I’m not sure that “Transparent” should be allowed in the comedy section of the Emmys its not really a fair comparison.  The show is not trying to be funny, it’s really not at all funny in fact and Hoffman’s performance while well done, is hardly comedic.

The Most Deserving

Gabby Hoffman

Sure she wasn’t funny, but of all eight roles on this list, this was by far the most meaty.  Hoffman had the most to work with as far as material goes, which is why she really shouldn’t be in this category.  While I think Chlumsky did a better job with equally rich material it’s (as cliche as it sounds) like comparing apples and oranges.  There really isn’t anything similar about them.

Stray Observations

I went through the whole nominee list even if I didn’t feel like it was necessary to write about all of them because there are so many awards for things you wouldn’t even think to have awards for it seems unnecessary for me to write about them all.  But there are my stray observations as I scroll through the nominee list.  Full list here.  You can scroll along with my ramblings if you wish.

• The lead actor in a limited series category is a surprisingly competent selection of individuals, considering all the other shit shows found above.  I do think that it will probably go to Adrian Brody because Houdini was pretty fantastic but on shear merit on screen I think Ricky Gervais earned the award.
• I didn’t watch “Bessie”–I probably won’t–I didn’t watch “Sweeney Todd”–I definitely won’t–so I have nothing to say about the actress in a limited series.
• No but really though, what the hell is anything from “Grace and Frankie” doing on this list?  It was a pretty bad show, with the worst performance by a supporting cast I have ever seen in my life.  I’m going to call them out right now: Brooklyn Decker, Ethan Embry, June Raquel, and Baron Vaughn; get your shit together, now.
• But at least it wasn’t as bad as “The Comeback”.
• That lead actress in a drama category is surprisingly brown–color me impressed.
• The Emmys nominated the Oscars for an award… I’m done.
• Did you guys know that “Degrassi” is still on the air?  That there is a show called Dog with a Blog?  That HBO has a children’s show?  I wonder how many boobs are in that show.  Did you know that Nickelodeon has a news show? And that “Girl Meets World” is a thing? Neither did I.  I can’t tell if our future generation is fucked, or if this is a great time to be a kid.
• Again, didn’t see “Bessie” but if it beats out “Houdini for outstanding cinematography I might actually suffer through it.
• “Transparent” looks so out of place on that comedy list.
• I do feel like for comedy especially the writing and outstanding show award are interchangeable.
• “Last Week Tonight with John Oliver” needs to win all of the variety awards, it’s just head and shoulders better than all the others.  It will probably be Colbert though.
• The Emmys give awards for commercials?  Of course that cloying commercial for that old ass baseball player is on here (yeah I know his name but I am demonstrating my disdain for the sport with derision).
• As much as I want to see Louis C.K. win more awards “Alive in Tuscon” was just a better directed episode than “Sleepover” by a small amount.
• And how… how is “Hardhome” not nominated for best directing in drama?
• I haven’t watched any of the nominated documentaries, but “The Jinx” will win.  It put a man in jail after all.
• Every time I see that drama list, it sickens me.
• “Hello Ladies: The Movie” won’t win, it should though.
• Oh… shit! “The Americans” caught a nominee.  Good shit.  Too bad they shouldn’t and won’t win that category.
• The fuck is “Manh(a)ttan”? And how did it get nominated for outstanding title design over “Penny Dreadful”.
  • Okay I just googled it.  Those credits were hot but still… what is this show? How have I literally never heard of it?
• “Penny Dreadful” got the opening song nod.  Fine!  But for that to be it’s only nomination is actually criminal.  They won’t make a documentary about it or anything… but still fucking criminal.
• “Constantine” got nominated for something? That’s actually hilarious.
• If “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” wins best casting I quit.  I will write about bull fighting.
• Did not know “Robot Chicken” was still on the air.
• Pablo Schreiber is easily one of the worst actors I’ve ever seen.  Why is his face on this list?
• They really had no idea what to do for guest actress in a comedy did they?
• Oh… so they did watch The Knick… why isn’t it all up and down this list?
• “Peter Pan Live!”? Gross.
• Why are we still giving awards for multi-camera sitcoms?
• and narrators? Is this 1980?
• The Special Class Program award is just a bunch of other award shows…
• Oh, and they know “Community” exists too.  Shame on these fuckbois.
• That is interesting that they break up the costuming into contemporary and period.  I wish the Oscars did that.