Spoil-Free Reviews!: Hansel & Gretel Witch Hunters

There are really terrible movies that I hate to love: Transformers, The Expendables, Abraham Lincoln-Vampire Hunter, or really most of Jason Statham’s movies.  Then there are the movies that I really want to love but just can’t seem to enjoy like Citizen Kane, Precious, The English Patient, or Jaws.  Then there are movies like Hansel & Gretel which get shafted by the critics and that I really loved and don’t feel at all bad about it.  Hansel & Gretel has been accused of having a non existent plot and a heavy handed take on the classic Brothers Grimm story.  Although in all fairness to the critics (also known by me as the scum of the turds of the Earth) even if you’ve only seen the trailer, no matter how awesome it maybe it is clearly very far away from the Brothers Grimm idea of the story:

But I couldn’t really give two shits what the Brothers Grimm wanted or would’ve liked.  Hansel & Gretel takes an interesting take on a classic story paired with above par acting from Jeremy Renner (Hansel) and Gemma Arterton (Gretel) and superb action sequences the movie turns out to be a really fun watch.  Another plus is that this is the first movie I have seen since Avatar where 3D actually made a difference I saw it in IMAX 3D and the visual aspect of the gore and fast paced fight scenes is really excellent.  The movie is not without its faults for sure for the most part the supporting cast is pretty drab either being emotionless or generally terrible to watch.  The writing could also be called cheesy, mostly because it’s really fucking cheesy.  But I think if I had just made an evil baby stealing witch explode I’d probably try and say something really cool…. then fail miserably (actually some of the one liners are really entertaining).

Hansel & Gretel is a really fun movie.  It’s not going to challenge you intellectually or knock you on your ass with it’s outstanding directing, writing, or acting.  But it is a solid movie and if you’re really on the fence about it you could go just to see THIS in leather:

and THIS:

and if you’re into the fella folk some of this:


Casting: 7/10

Acting (Main Cast): 6/10

Acting (Supporting Cast): 4/10

Directing: 5/10

Writing: 7/10

Plot: 6/10

Cinematography: 8/10

Special Effects: 10/10

Genre Specific:

Action Sequences: 10/10

Humor: 6/10

Make Up: +2

Bloody Fucking Murder: +5

Overall Rating: 6.78/10 (great)

Pop Culture Che Suggests: 5/5 (See it in theaters a few times once in 3d and/or IMAX)

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